The Sick Alternate Universe
by Novalia1001
Summary: Strolling into a boring town, Train and the gang head for the internet cafe, and Train is definately not pleased with people's tase in pairing...


**Author's Note**: Upon having a conversation with Kuronekoxx about lemons and yoai pairings, I came up with this little idea. I doubt that internet exists in the world of Black Cat, but Japan and the Grand Canyon were shown in the manga so, what the heck? R&R during your R&R (read and review during your rest and relaxation, just for your information).

… … …

In a silent internet café in the centre of town, all was monotonous. The steady clicking and typing of computers and laptops around the café was soothed with the hum of light and airy conversations, and as every other public place, a wall was set up for the latest bounties.

"I doubt anything's changed in less than a few days, but let's just see what we can find," Sven said casually as he strolled in and permitted himself his adult pleasure of a cigarette.

His tiny ward followed behind him, beaming with a grin. "I'll help you," Eve offered.

Train entered after them at a slower pace. _The entire place is dead, _he thought grimly, boredom clearly expressed on his face. _Dead, dead, dead. Why don't we strike up some enemies and shoot someone in the leg, or something?_

He let his eyes travel over the heads of strangers who had their eyes plastered to the screens in front of them, and wondered idly what was this 'World Wide Web' Sven and Eve kept on talking about. Glancing at the two of them from the corner of his eyes to make sure that their backs were turned, he slinked away out of sight and, feigning nonchalance, looked over the shoulder of a furiously blushing school girl. He was curious: what was she reading?

He hated reading, but this was the only time he allowed an exception as his eyes scanned the glowing page quickly:

…_the darkness. It was them alone, them and the candle losing its glow, them and the moonlight stifled behind the heavy draw curtain they had chosen together. It served its purpose as there they were on the floor, in the night._

"_Sven…listen," he was cut off when their lips met._

Train frowned. "Okay then…" he walked on, glancing another girl with a similar attraction. This story seemed different as he began from the top:

"_In broad daylight? Train, you have no shame," Sven laughed and bit into his ice cream, looking up into the summer sky._

"_Sven, you've got ice cream on your neck," Train pointed out, gesturing lazily, yet something flashed in his eyes just that moment._

"_Hm?" Sven didn't react fast enough before Train leaned in and his tongue ran across Sven's skin…_

"What?"

Startled, the girl who was reading turned around and was faced with nothing: she hadn't glanced at the retreating back of Train, who gritted his teeth seething and felt his fists in his pockets. _What _was _that? _Train thought anxiously.

Again, he noticed another screen. The seat was unoccupied, and the screen flickered as though it were threatening to shut down. Train glanced around swiftly, then nudged the mouse and the screen lit up at his command. On the same website as the two from before, he noticed another story lousy with romance.

"_Tr-Train…"_

_Their voices shrieked in unison once the climax was met…_

Twelve gunshots rang throughout the internet café, and in a fluster of cries and panic, everyone hit the floor. Sven and Eve turned around immediately and glanced around for Train, who, when they saw him, clutched Hades in his left trembling hand, and his feline eyes were glaring at the smoking screen where he had shot mercilessly.

"Train!" Sven yelled.

His partner didn't respond.

"Sir, you're going to have to pay for that!" a worried but angry worker said from behind her counter, grounded in case he would shoot her too.

"Is there anyone else who's interested in shounen-ai?" Train growled loudly to the café and everyone shook, no one responded. The school girls who had been reading the stories pertaining to him and Sven before were now beneath their tables, and scrambled to erase evidence that they were indeed interested.

"Sick," Train grumbled as he sheathed Hades and walked through the café towards the door. "This alternate universe is sick!"

And Train left on a quest to find the author, and the news reported three weeks later: "…it is to our knowledge that the fan fiction writer Novalia1001 has been assassinated this night with bullet wounds ridiculously similar to those from the well known anime/manga 'Black Cat'…"

Sven turned off the radio and glances suspiciously at Train. "Did you have something to do with that?"

Train, laid back in the passenger seat, casually looked at Sven before closing his eyes and attempting to returned to his nap. "Nope," he said clearly, and tried to ignore that Eve was reading yoai lemons about him and Sven behind their backs…

… … …

**Another Author's Note**: How did you like it? I like it best that I got shot; I even told Kuronexx that I wouldn't mind getting shot if it was by Train's gun.

Review, otherwise I'll tell Train that it was you who wrote this fan fiction and not me!

And you _know _how he's going to react…


End file.
